After reporting about the Oscars for almost ten years I would really like to have one of the cute golden guys for myself. We have just the perfect space for it on the mantelpiece! So I set out to find the perfect recipe to win an Oscar.

How about getting an Oscar as best Leading Actress? With Viola Davis, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close nominated there seem to be chances for women of my age after all even though most of the voting members are white, male and a median age of 62. But what about my German accent? A speech coach once encouraged me to use it as an asset to distinguish myself from the competition. With my limited acting skills I am afraid though it will reduce my chances to playing some nasty Nazi. Christoph Waltz and Quentin Tarantino made that Oscar material. Me? Probably not so much. I should move on to another category.

Director! I would LOVE to direct a movie. Stephen Galloway, award-maven of The Hollywood Reporter revealed to me the essential ingredients for a winner-movie: it is usually an American feel-good story with an underdog overcoming obstacles as the main character and producer Harvey Weinstein as campaign master manipulator. But how great are my chances in this category really? In 83 years of Oscars only one woman has been honored as Best Director. It was Kathryn Bigelow two years ago for Hurt Locker. Moving on!

Foreign language film! Three women have won this category. One of them a German! Caroline Link for Nowhere in Africa. The odds seem to be remarkably better. But I probably would have to go back to Germany to then be nominated by my home country as Oscar entry. Not an option.

Forget Make up, Costume, Camera - I have no talent there whatsoever. Editing or Sound categories can’t really get me excited. So is there no way to a Happy Ending of my Oscar quest?

Of course there is! Screenplay! I will write my own comeback feel-good-story with a Happy End. Biopics usually do good I learned on my hunt fort he Oscar recipe. Take a Queen, a politician, a movie star with demons to overcome and your chances are great! How about Lindsay Lohan or Arnold Schwarzenegger? Unfortunately I am not so sure there are Happy Endings for those stories. But wait! I meet underdogs and comeback kids every day as a reporter in the streets of Los Angeles: immigrants, entrepreneurs, surfer girls, artists, soldiers ... Harvey Weinstein, take notice! I’m writing!